ThePathOfSelfActualization

It's about time, eh? IM 18! POOF!

2007-01-21T21:01:00.000-08:00

Yellow! It's been ages since my last post! 2 entries in 2006! Sad.
Or maybe I should have just said...HEY FELLAS!

Anyhow, 2007! It was suppose to be an awesome year but even the most well laid plans can crumble in your hands...Or just break your heart...Or leave you in the dark...

SO YES!!! My birthday is in JAN...And JAN has come and is nearly gone...SO yes I'm already 18! I've gone to ZOUK and downed a couple of drinks! I've dance the night away at "Mambo Night"! Bliss indeed, my troubles forgotten on that night! So shame on all of you who forgot to wish me on my birthday! Haha! I'm just kidding. =D

That night the sad poor Bowen who returned from Perth died, heck, I attended the funeral! My father and three of my cousins were there! Splendid night out indeed. We buried him in my heart with alcohol and mad dancing! I sweat out his sadness and despair to get rid of it like a lingering fever.

BEFORE WE HIT MY SAD AND QUITE MAD RAMBLINGS...

I never did get to celebrate my birthday! So Red Team and the HEADS! Get ready for an outing organized by yours truly! Expect lots of running around as usual yeah? We'll go to Botanic Gardens! Time and day yet to be confirmed, I will call you all! :D

RIGHT! So let my rambling begin...

My heart aches, my mind spins, my soul is quiet, my body still and yet...And yet in my confusion and empty hollowness, there is potential.

Like the numerous and yearly reports from teachers since primary school till now a voice says indeed, Bowen, you have potential...potential untapped is just potential! It must be transformed to heat, sound, light or whatever..So in other words, BOWEN LOGIC is telling me to do something about myself and my life.

Get a job? Sounds good! I tried at Borders and Kinokunya and Comics Mart! Perhaps, I should set my sights on something else? But what? Bleagh!

So this leaves my love life! Ha! Am I bitter or sour for being single again? No.

As you can probably tell by now, I'm quite sad and heartbroken.

Why you ask?

Well because someone broke my heart!

Haha, duhh eh? I couldn't help it.

Well really someone did!

She gave me promise after promise...Which let my guard down...Then she gave me pain, sorrow and worry which were arrows she shot at me from Singapore while I was in Perth...Such skill, such distance, oh such pain I felt.

My whole month there I was torn in two.

In the day I tried to spend time with my family, yet they did not appreciate me. My patience grew there dealing with my family, the greatest thorn in my side, the longest blade in my back, the sharpest arrow in my heart.

At night I called my beloved, sometimes we were just happy to listen to each others voice, sometimes that wasn't enough or maybe it was always never enough. How my heart ached, unable to bear the distance and the gulf that it had created.

I tried to build a bridge and she tried to help me too. But just as I crossed the bridge to her side she cut the ends and left me dangling on what remained. She offered me her hand, the abyss or friendship.

Promise after promise she gave, promise after promise she broke and took away. Of course I wanted to be friends but clearly I never stood a chance for all feelings of me had gone from her heart while a new flame of emotion burned in mine.

So why did I play with fire? Because I didn't know it was, because our relationship had caught fire in a bad way destructive way and *poof!* I'm back in Singapore and on the first day of my return my heart drops like a heavy stone into a deep well and *poof!* by the end of the night and the next day I'm alone and single again.

*Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away...*

I don't care that you pretty much blew me to smithereens but why did you promise things you didn't know you could keep? Why say sorry when you plunged a dagger in my back then smile and chop my head off? Sure I don't want bad blood between us...BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT IT? Don't say you don't know, because you do know, in your heart of hearts, in the back of your mind and in the depth of your soul! You say you didn't want to lead me on some more but why did you do it in the first place. BUT OF ALL THINGS I MUST KNOW THIS! Why were you ever scared of me? I am the most un-scary person in the universe! Seriously! No one thinks of me as anything remotely scary! Never! And they shouldn't! I try to offer a helping hand, a listening ear and a friendly smile, always! I will agree with you that we were always friends and we are still now. Maybe closer then before now I have been laid bare before you. So I can only say this, please don't take me for granted again. I know you won't but the voice of doubt will be there. I gave you my heart and everything else and that wasn't enough, why were you afraid since I gave it to you before I even gave it to you? All I did was tell you I already gave it to you, not just giving it to you there and then!

My friends and I have a couple of drinks and I tell them what happened at the bus stop...They shake their heads and say, why Bowen? Why did you give yourself so freely? Indeed I did, I know I am of some worth yet I give myself freely since I've been given so much free help. One good turn deserves another. I believe in Fate, Destiny and Karma. I believe in true love. I believe in forgiveness, and I forgave everyone before they did anything because truly there is no point in holding grudges, I may be bias but I never hold grudges, never.

So maybe your reading this and maybe your thinking a few things or just one thing. But know this, I believe we are friends, close friends really and I greatly enjoy your company! I hope you truly regard me as a close friend. I didn't call you BFF for fun you know? I know you promised me that we'll have a friend version of what I've always wanted and I know you'll keep your end of the deal.

But please don't tell me our friendship is not true, because that's all I have these days...Friends. My family has collasped and collasped and collasped. My family fights and fights and fights, to no end, in the day and the night. They scream, shout, hurt, bruise, bite, hit, cry and burn with rage and great anger. They want me to do things and yet not do what their suppose to do. Adults never fully grow up and when they are selfish everyone else suffers!

So all I have left are friends, they come and go. But my closest ones always stay or appear when I need them. So don't ever go, because I know life wouldn't the same without you or my other friends! (Who might be reading this too, you know who you are, thanks for everything!)

So after all I've given, after all I've gone through, dying in Perth without you and dying from the endless terror that is my family you left me alone. Why? Like I needed more grief and suffering! So yes indeed we'll still need to talk...I'll like some closure. Hahahaha! Oh, please don't be afraid for crying out loud! :D

And just one more thing...

We're still friends because I love you and if I can love you, I can forgive you and If I can forgive you, we can be friends. That's BOWEN LOGIC, Ladies and Gents, always trying to keep it simple! :D

*It's hard holding you, loving you, losing you. It's sad to be true and being fooled by you! I don't know...Should I stay or should I go?*

Don't worry I stayed, as your friend. LOL. BFF!

So yeah BFF, I'll call (or maybe you'll call?) and we'll talk about a dinner! LOL!

This is my longest entry ever! *Pats myself on the back!*

Rock on kiddies! I'm outta here...gonna play RE4. Not having school rocks! :D

Good luck to all A and O level candidates! We did our best so don't worry about it!

Beware world! Bowen is going to strike soon! I'm going to greater heights, I'm going to make 2007 one of the best in my life! I will accomplish things this year!

Oh yeah and if you bothered to read all the way here, I mentiond heart 13 times, including the one I just mentioned, yes I know I'm crazy and no I don't want to take a CHILL PILL! =D

I'm making crashing cjc into an art form..

2006-05-13T02:45:00.000-07:00

Another beautiful week thanks to..you guessed it! Crashing CJC!

But I didn't crash the school itself, just it's sport's day held at the CCAB! :D

Well at least that happaned really EARLY in the year... It's now October....

Unfortunetly the tittle is no longer up to date...It should read...

YET ANOTHER POOR ATTEMPT TO UPDATE

So...

My O level exams are two weeks from now and here I am, typing these words out to inform anyone of my poor existence, don't get me wrong, im not pessimisstic, im just being frank, when i should just be BOWEN. haha get it? My favourite kind of joke...

So yes, i should be studying but im love sick and lazy....!

It's been more than a year since i was with someone and i realised how lonely i am...since all my best friends went to JC or poly and we don't hang out as often as we used to. All i have left are good friends but they got their own lives...SO it's just really me and my O levels to keep me company but it's gonna slaughter me if i don't start studying like mad!

Gosh, that chunk was pretty old, Im currently just four days away to freedom! O levels are about to finish for me...

The beginning of the end of the end, really, yet the beginning of a new beginning, be it a fresh start which consists of co-ed plus no uniform, which sadly is a blessing and a curse. (just the uniform part! hehe!)

SO like if you don't get that...im trying to say, well im scared that im not going to do well and not go into POLY! Sadly i can only go to poly so if i don't go there then im dead meat...!

blah blah blah...

Hmm...so onto BRIGHTER things...

Plans plans plans...

After my O's i got a week before im headed down under to vist my mum for one whole month...

That leaves me with seven days to do some last minute stuff...chill with some old friends and meet some friends i never met in the flesh before, you know, some people you meet who are friends of friends that you talk to online alot!

Hmm much more plans but i guess they can wait....

SO thank you for reading all this and....keep reading...so till next time...

Im out. Time to kick some elective history exam tomorrow!

2006-05-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

Lifehouse- Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive,
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave,
And still I have the pain I have to carry ,
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried,
After all this time,
I never thought we'd be here,
Never thought we'd be here,
When my love for you was blind,
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it,
That I loved you more than you'll ever know,
And part of me died when I let you go,
I would fall asleep,
Only in hopes of dreaming,
That everything would be like it was before,
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting,
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor,
After all this time,
I never thought we'd be here,
Never thought we'd be here,
When my love for you was blind,
But I couldn't make you see it,
Couldn't make you see it,
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
And part of me died when I let you go
After all this why,
Would you ever wanna leave it,
Maybe you could not believe it,
That my love for you was blind,
But I couldn't make you see it,
Couldn't make you see it,
That I loved you more than you will ever know ,
And part of me died when I let you go,
And I loved you more than you'll ever know,
And part of me died when I let you go.

A Poor Attempt To Update.

2005-10-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

Entry 8
Recent updates...

1) I got a job at DAN RYAN's, for those who do not know..It is an american themed restaruant set in the 60's in chicago! I think i spelt that right..Anyhow, it's really nice place! They play Jazz, yeah not so exciting but it's nice and calm. The best part's are that they serve american PORTIONS! Yummy! Plus if you dine with me you'll get a 50% discount! Woohoo! =)

2) Umm..ok maybe there isn't a two...hehe. Till the next update then! =D

I would just like to wish all my friends out there good luck and all the best with their N results, O's, A's, Projects and Work! Take care and God Bless Peeps!

P.S HALOWEEN IS COMING! MUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA!

SOME IDIOT STOLE MY HANDPHONE!

2005-10-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

Entry 7! Somebody stole my phone!!!!!!!!!!!

But! I already got a replacement! Unfortunetly i LOST ALL MY NUMBERS so please tag me/tell me online/call me or sms me! I'm still using the same number!

I got my N levels now! Two more papers to go! BLEAGH! ;D

I want to wish everyone luck for their O's/A's/Projects/Promo's! Ciaoz!

I skipped school today! =D

2005-09-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

Entry 6!!! Hehehehe! I had fun today!!!

I had a good breakfast! McD! I had teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Lot's of SUGA baby!

I played with a Xbox! Winning Eleven! KONG gotta play with you man!

I watched NIGHWATCH! (You'll like it if your a VAMPIRE/SLAYER/Blah blah etc, FAN!)

Played REPUBLIC COMMANDO! CLONE TROOPERS ROCK!

And I played DRAGONSHARD! A D&D RTS GAME! NOT BAD MAN! Tomorrow is the official release at EGAMES at cine!

I had lunch at LONG JOHN SILVER'S! BUDGET FOOD! YUM YUM YUMMY!

And...

DAWN OF WAR: WINTER ASSUALT IS COMING OUT AT THE END OF THE MONTH!!!

MY BELOVED IMPERIAL GUARD WILL BE MAKING AN APPEARENCE! THE EMPEROR PROTECTS!!!

Anyway...

I didn't really do so well for my prelims... =( AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So anyway i better get off now!!!

GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST FOR THE PRELIMS, N's, O's, A's and PROJECTS!

New Blogg Skinn! Wheeeeeeeeee!

2005-09-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

Entry 5! GOSH ONLY ENTRY 5! I've been slacking huh?

Ok since it's my blogg i should type nice and comfortably! Wheee!

So let's see...

My cousin Fely Anne, left for Liverpool last night!!! SO SAD! *sniff*

But it's good that she's gone there! I'll be seeing her again in Dec, so not too bad! =)

My cousin's boyfriend BEN, came to Singapore this afternoon! He came from LONDON! LOL. He seems to be a nice guy so YAY! He brought back some NARUTO CDS! So, YAY! YAY! YAY! =)

Im currently really sad...coz....

1) My bank account is BROKE/EMPTY/KAPUUUT!...(I bought a pair of funky NIKE PANTS! ONLY $71! *ouchie!*)

2) I feel really down coz i feel so freaking lonely...(AGAIN!) LaughsOutLoudSadly!

3) I'm hooked to MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!! Damn EMO man! HELENA ROCKS!!!!!!!

I think im going to revamp the "template" and try and add pics?? Hmm...

Not much is going on except for the DREADED N LEVELS in two weeks!!!

I got to go study like mad man! No joke boh doh!

Subjects in the DANGER ZONE are, PHYSICS, EMATHS, DNT and SOCIAL STUDIES! BLEAGH! I totally screwed the SS paper for N's MAN! Bloody Korean Naval Clash and MERGER AND SEPERATION! GGGRRR!

Anyhow, i had a GREAT DINNER at the FAM HOUSE!

Yummy food! (Cooked by Auntie May!)

Great Company! (The JRS volunteer from MAE SOT, Lyn, was really nice and informative and Uncle Andrew, Auntie May, Drea, Damien and Cheryln were great company!)

We talked about loads of stuff and we got HIRESH's present! YAY! =)

Not much left me thinks..

Bowen is currently sad but...

Im hooked onto ANIME! WHEE! LOTS AND LOTS OF ANIME!

And...

Im thinking of getting a job after my N's! Planning to work in DAN RYANS! It's like so near my freaking house man! =)

So i got some options on how to spend the cash im gonna make!

1) Buy the MOTOROLA V3! (My dream phone, man!)

2) Buy lot's of kool clothes, shoes, etc!

3) Save the ca$h! (Booooooring!)

4) Save the ca$h for the THAI MAE SOT TRIP! (GOOD IDEA, NOT BORING!)

5) Buy WARHAMMER 40K STUFF! WHEEEEEEE!

6) Buy and play WoW??? (TOO EX MAN! I NEED A NEW COM AND GREAT INTERNET SPEED!!!)

I think i better stop here for now.

TAKE CARE EVERYONE!

Good luck for your EXAMS, N's, O's, A's, PROJECTS and WHATEVER you gotta do! GOD BLESS US ALL!

KEEP READING MY BLOGG! HEHEHE. THANKS!

Return to first step.

2005-08-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's entry 4. I haven't been updating, SORRY! Anyhow good luck to all my friends taking N's, O's and A's!

So, i've been through a whole lot this year. Good, Bad and ohhh so ugly. Haha.
But that's life. I have learnt so many new things this year...

Naruto fever...
GunZ Online fever...
Chewy fever...
Now i must mug and mug and mug...

Today, i met Amet and Melyssa to get Li Hao's present! A Testement Tee! $31.50! And bought Amet a shirt from COLLAGE! We walked around until about 5.30 and headed to SEOUL GARDEN! $25!!! Kai Sheng made me eat alot man!!! Bloody...Oh well it was for Li Hao! =) It turned out to be a great evening! I made some new friends and renewed some old ones! I enjoyed myself greatly! But now im grounded for one whole freaking month! Just because i was 11 mins late..Oh well, it will help me concentrate on my studies, since my prelims have started and the N's will follow suit soon. I know i can do i if i just study!

It's now 4.56..and i just finished episode 117 of NARTUO! Time for me to sleeep!
God bless and take care everyone!
*Lil Bow Wow* Im back at square one. Time to plan. =D

The Rulers Of Evil. Hail New Rome.

2005-07-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

Entry 3! Lot's been going on! I got sick, got a new sms from God and read some nice Terry Pratchet books and a new and astonshing book! The "RULERS OF EVIL".

It is an interesting book! "Novous Ordo Seclorum"; New World Order. A beautiful concept. =)

Anyhow, looks life is good. Active Cold Wars have ceased. I bought New SHOES! Muhahahahahahaha! Girl addiction is in control! =X

Had a couple of WARHAMMER 40k Games just to have fun. I lost as usual, but with honor. =D I have been promoted to Major for my vailiant efforts against the Xenos.

Ok ok now for some stuff people can all undestand...

Recently i have fallen "ill" to NARUTO FEVER! NINJAAAAAAAAA! =D

I got a "ninja mask" and im getting a ninja headband! hehehe! I have a bokken too! So im just missing...Ninja stars...grappling rope...smoke grenandes...gloves..hehehe!

Ok besides NARUTO FEVER, i have..HALO 2 fever! ;D
THE MASTER CHIEF ROCKS!

AHHH DAMN! THIS IS A VERY OLD UPDATE! PAI SEH!

NCC:SD National Cadet Core Space Division

2005-07-01T02:29:00.000-07:00

Entry 2! The new blogg has some tech errors? Well with my com that is. I want to study but im too lazy. I don't have the heart to study, stoopid life that i have. I try to win the fight but i always lose the battle and the war just carries on. On and on and on, just like the Sabbat Crusade.

But on the flipside, i am getting over other stuff...I really don't know why everytime one problem is gone another takes it's place so fast?! But strangely some nice things come really fast. although i just wanna take a break...hmm...

For the record, the only IDOLS i like are Taufik (SG IDOL duhh) and Joel Turner! (OZ IDOL)

Talked to marble head alot today, joked ALOT with wood head1 and i didn't really do anything with wood head2 coz he went to play tennis at a friend's place.

I started a new CCA! NCC:S(D)! National Cadet Core: SPACE (Division)

Muhahahahahaha!

Talked to wood head about expanding RED TEAM as a fraternity!

Muhahahahahahha! ;D

I feel so torn apart, i feel so sad when im alone but so hyperr when im with my friends!!! I think i should pray to God and maybe he'll tell me what to do in a more direct way. Im feeling sleepy so im going to take nap. TC people! Im gonna blogg about the party 2molo! CIAOZ! =)

*PAw PRint* I look at the night sky and i wish i could be with the stars, the blaze of a thousand miles of street lights would look more beautiful from above..

Time For Me To Grow Up.

2005-06-15T05:02:00.000-07:00

Entry One! It was about time i changed blogg! 75 entries in darksideimperitus! A new record for me!

Well...
GORILLAZ ROCKS! FEEL GOOD INC!

City's breaking down on a camels back.
They just have to go 'cos they don’t hold back.
So all you fill the streets, it's appealing to see.
You wont get out the county, 'cos you're bad and free.
You've got a new horizon, it's ephemeral style,
In a melancholy town where we never smile.
And all I wanna hear is the message beep.
My dreams, they've got to kiss me cos I don’t get sleep, no...

Windmill, Windmill for the land,
Turn forever hand in hand,
Take it all in on your stride,
It is sticking, falling down,
Love forever, love is free,
Let’s turn forever you and me,
Windmill, windmill for the land is everybody in?

Laughing gas these hazmats, fast cats,
Lining them up like ass cracks, lay these ponies at the track,
It’s my chocolate attack.
Shit, I'm stepping in the heart of this here.
Care bear bumping in the heart of this here.
Watch me as I gravitate, hahahahahaa!
Yo, we gonna go ghost town, this Motown,
With yo sound you in the blink,
You gonna bite the dust cant fight with us,
With yo sound you kill the INC.
So don’t stop, get it, get it until you cheddar header.
Yo, watch the way I navigate hahahahahahaa!

Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand,
Take it all in on your stride,
It is sticking, falling down,
Love forever, love is free,
Let’s turn forever you and me,
Windmill, windmill for the land Is everybody in?

Don’t stop, get it, get it we are your captains in it steady,
Watch me navigate, hahahahahahaa!
Don’t stop, get it, get it we are your captains in it steady,
Watch me navigate, hahahahahahaa!

*PAw PRint* Back on my own, the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire, the stars will cry the blackest tears tonight! (x

BEWARE OF GLASSHEAD, EXTREMLY DEADLY DARK JEDI. Jedi Academy? Bring it on fool.

Not much going on, im currently a POOL and LAN addict. The computer games im currently hooked on are, Counter Strike, (I LOVE THE NEW GUNS), PIRATES!, (Im currently a Dutch Admiral), Jedi Knight Academy! (Im going to DARTH MAUL YOU!) ;D

POOL is fun fun fun! I wayy better since i started. I do more tyco shoots now! So watch out! Hehe!

Im going to start studying and im wondering if anyone is interested in forming study groups with me? Yes i said groups! So if anyone is interested just tag me and we'll talk about it! =)

Ok bye peeps! Im outta here!

MASTER CHIEF IS MY IDOL! WEAPONS OF CHOICE: DUAL SMGs!

*PAw PRint* I want to be alone, so I can have FUN! Hehe!